let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
