i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
