You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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