I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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