I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
