question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
