Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
