Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
