My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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