apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
