We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
