There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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