I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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