Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
