guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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