yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I cut my penus on the lid.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
