I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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