Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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