just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
