other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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