smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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