Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
