Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
