I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
