I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
