sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
