the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
