The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
