i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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