just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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