Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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