Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
