Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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