guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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