Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
