I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
