Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize