That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"it" just moved
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
