when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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