ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize