# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
try to milk me bitch
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