life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize