I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We had to coat check the pizza.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
