Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
