The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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