I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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