And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
soo... how was my night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
