First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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