hell yes lets make some ravioli
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
