Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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