if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
