dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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