a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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