actually, I'm a sock model
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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