She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
