I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize