actually, I'm a sock model
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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