a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
