Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
