nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
