I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
