oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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