we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
