I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
