You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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