My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
