apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize