DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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