i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
