Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
